You’re here because you’re…
Bored
Hungry
Inspired
Ambitious
All of the Above
Perfect. Me too. We’re gonna have some fun together.
A lot of us bake for the delicious reward at the end (like this)
A good reason. But that’s not why I want to do this. I want to bake with you so that you can find and experience the same joy, calm, and pride that I do in the process of this beautifully therapeutic art form.
I’m no pro baker. I’d love a Hollywood handshake one day, but for now, I’m just a knucklehead with a stand mixer. So I know that, as Forrest Gump said, shit happens. Eggs fall, cakes collapse, salt gets forgotten or dumped in by accident. But that’s all part of the fun.
I wrote my recipes specifically to help you flow from step to step, adapt, and avoid some of the screwups I made. But even if/when the shit happens, don’t sweat it. The point is that you’re in the kitchen and having fun. And to be honest, doing better than the other 7 billion people not baking something from scratch right now.
Two rules
1) Clean as you go
Please. You want your living mates (family, partner, roommates) to encourage you to keep fattening them up with your newest creations. Don’t make them focus on the nasty surprise you left for them in the next room.
2) No skim milk
I’ll say it again. No goddamn skim milk. Ron Swanson will know. If you want to learn to bake, leave the health-conscious BS at the door. Eat smaller portions, find a different recipe, hell, just don’t bake. But please don’t ruin my recipes with that god-awful excuse for a substitution and feed it to others. It hurts my feelings.
*Alt milks (soy, oat, etc.) are on thin ice.
It’s fine. You can sub if you absolutely need to. Genes can suck sometimes. But do the conversions yourself. We’re doing these recipes my way.